The Survey Says (tf)

I don’t believe anything a “survey” tells me simply because nobody ever asks me to be part of a survey. What do I care what a bunch of other people think? They might all be mentally deranged drug fiends who sit at home and drink Utica Club and listen to Guy Lombardo records while wearing Bono shades and watching Hee-Haw re-runs. I mean, how do we know? And that stupid “2 out of 3 dentists surveyed recommend trident for their patients who chew gum” crap? Maybe they surveyed 6 dentists, 4 of whom had wives who were lobbyists for the gum industry. And you know what? Any dentist with the time and the inclination to sit around and answer some stupid question from the trident people is not someone I want let loose in my mouth.  He sounds like a major league loser who probably hasn’t been laid in 3 years.

I needed to get that bit off my chest.

Political polls are the most dubious. Before a major election polls everywhere are telling you that the race is effectively over. That A has a “20” point lead that’s insurmountable. Between the lines we read “why bother get out of bed and vote for some guy that’s gonna lose by 20 points anyway”, which of course is exactly what the powers that be want you to think…since more than likely the poll is some sort of candidate sponsored scam that major press outlets swallow like a chimp swallows a peanut. Who exactly was polled? A hundred-grand a year stay-at-home soccer Mom’s pulled from some Abington real-estate directory are gonna vote Republican? How shocking. Go away poor people. Nothing for you to see here. Move along…

The first thing I think when anybody tells me anything at all is that they’re lying. I’m not sure why this is. Mostly I come around eventually and realize that the motive for lying isn’t really there…..but I’ve dealt with so many people over the years who lie even when they don’t need to that I’m always on guard. I think it has something to do with Nixon kick-starting the Watergate fiasco even though polls said he’d have won in a landslide in ’72 anyway. There’s that word “poll” again. Nixon obviously had his doubts, otherwise why hire spaced out Cubans and dumb as dirt burglars like Liddy, Hunt, and McCord to bug the Democratic National Headquarters? Especially when the Democrats were so busy beating each other over the heads with police truncheons. In 1972 the Democrats couldn’t win a race for dog-catcher in Hubert Humphrey’s backyard.

I was 8 years old when Nixon resigned, but I still remember seeing this strange little man on television and thinking that if he was President of the United States our election process had blown a gasket somewhere. The fact that he was forced to resign in disgrace didn’t change the fact that 2 years earlier he’d been voted in to office in the biggest landslide in American history. If I could look at this guy and see blood coming out of the corners of his mouth, what had taken grown-ups so long? When I saw him on TV I’d start to cry and my Mother would take me in her lap and my Father would offer to buy me ice cream. I still have nightmares about Nixon, and I think he’s the main reason why when people tell me it’s sunny outside I instinctively reach for an umbrella.

And then of course there was George Bush the younger, who ignored both polls and the voting ballots themselves and simply proclaimed himself president, with the help of a propaganda wing masquerading as a major Television news network and a few bagmen on the Supreme Court. But still. It was such a brazen act of wanton treachery that nobody had the balls to call him on it…..which is why when I contemplate the wreckage left in his wake I don’t blame Bush at all. I actually admire his political ruthlessness in a totalitarian state sort of way. Dubya made that drunken fool Nixon look like Bernie Sanders.

No, I blame us. We let it happen. We bent over and allowed the 8 year enema.

I took a poll. Trust me.

–Tom Flannery


~ by admin on June 26, 2011.

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