The Survey Says (ms)

It seems we don’t believe anything these days unless someone does a study to prove it. I hear about studies all the time on the news and I suppose the logic is that if a study shows something then it must be so. Sometimes though the results are so obvious you wonder why it is they had to do a study at all.

This makes me think the Train of Life and Opportunity left the station and I wasn’t aboard. I’ve concluded I might be making a lot of money doing studies that prove what we already know.

Unemployment is having a negative affect on the economy –– It stands to reason that if fewer people are working there will be less money available to buy things therefore the economy is negatively impacted. Put a tuxedo on that one, it’s ready to take to the prom.

Foreign manufacturing impacts U. S. Industry –– I could do that one from my easy chair.

Childhood obesity becoming a problem ––– A walk past a half dozen school yards and some quick estimating will give you all that you need. Oh, you might also take a ride around nearly any neighborhood and look at how many kids are outside playing ball or shooting hoops. Come to think of it, that could be material for a separate survey perhaps showing that children don’t get enough exercise. You can’t just give this stuff away.

An apple is better for you than an apple fritter –– There are those who would openly debate that statement but, no matter. My counterpoint is that you can’t make powdered sugar stick to a real apple therefore the fritter wins but for our purposes it doesn’t matter: fritter or apple, we study writers win either way.

You can judge by all this and perhaps agree with me that I have missed my calling. I should have gone into business telling people what they already know but don’t believe simply because it hasn’t been put into numbers anywhere. In a way this is much like the warning labels on virtually everything we buy these days.

I have always believed that NOT closing the valve on a gas grill propane tank will likely result in a leak and perhaps an explosion. Putting an aluminum ladder up against a power line will likely mean death. Also, it should be noted that using a kerosene heater in an enclosed room could mean the same thing. The list goes on. It is frightening to think that these warnings were placed on a product because someone actually did what the warning cautions against. But, I digress.

I think I’ll go out, gather together a few great minds and start doing some studies that we can sell for bunches of money. There is still time to catch hold of the gravy train and to fall into the lap of luxury.

Study shows a paper bag is 99.9% likely to fail when wet.

An ice covered sidewalk is more slippery than one covered in slush.

A leaf falling from a high enough tree can give you a nasty gash.

You heard it here first. I’ll get back to you when I have the figures to prove it.

–Mike Stevens

~ by admin on June 25, 2011.

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