Can I Leave Now? (tf)

It’s much easier to user the backspace button than it is to use an eraser or white-out. For a writer, a computer is the gift that keeps on giving….until it crashes and you lose your entire novel.

When this happens, a writer will instantly become demented, and start using pencils and carbon paper. I’ve seen it and it’s not pretty. Their minds go and they never trust anything that needs to be plugged in again. They become paranoid and even delusional. Somebody did something to the computer. On purpose. It was sabotage. What was lost was the next great American novel, and it can never be put back together again. For the rest of their lives such people can barely sign their name without breaking out into a cold sweat. Nobody invites them to parties anymore. They read “Huckleberry Finn” over and over again and mutter things like….”you bastard…..I was gonna make you obsolete!” Eventually, they stop writing entirely and go into the insurance business.

And so it goes with technology. The more we have, the more reliant we become….and the more we feel the urge to keep up lest we be left on the side of the road like an old IBM Mainframe with the green letters. Everybody remembers Gordon Gekko’s “cell phone” in the movie Wall Street. He even used it while walking on the beach. At the time it was amazing. A rich person’s toy. Now we all laugh ’cause the phone was the size of a small dog. Technology, like Hollywood stars, never ages well, which is why Apple keeps releasing new gizmos every year and nobody can look at Mickey Rourke’s face without thinking somebody just beat him with a hammer.

Stevens must have these electronic gadgets. The man is a total slave to technology. He’s got poster’s of Steve Jobs all over his house and he’s carved the Apple logo into his lawn and has every Wii-Fi location in the state mapped out on his GPS device so he never gets caught without being able to check his massive tech stock portfolios online. He doesn’t get his car fixed, he “reboots” it. He doesn’t get gas, he “adds more RAM”. He refuses to talk to me in person, even if I’m sitting in the chair across from him. I have to either call his cell phone or send him a text. I have it on good authority from my mole at WNEP, the TV station where Stevens works, that somebody mentioned using “analog” tape in his presence and was immediately demoted to covering Sullivan County on the graveyard shift. “Only digital around here, you brutish Luddite! I shall have you flogged by Snedeker at 6am in the middle of winter! That might teach you a lesson! Now off to Noxen with you….and bring a picture of the rattlesnake that bites you so we can hang it in the cafeteria and cheer the serpent’s very name! You incorrigible swine!”

I’m telling you, all this technological power has gone to his head.

Don’t let him fool you. He never leaves.

–Tom Flannery


~ by admin on June 21, 2011.

One Response to “Can I Leave Now? (tf)”

  1. Bar Fly 10

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