Snooze Alert (tf)

That Stevens fights dirty. Writing about sleep and expecting a man suffering from years of insomnia to respond in kind. I should beat him like a gong. But I respect my elders. Plus, he’s bigger than me and could bash my brain with that knapsack he drags around with him all the time.

Of course this is his passive aggressive way of getting back at me for calling him grumpy. But I am, after all, a professional. So I refuse to take the bait and start howling like a half-starved hyena, even though that’s what I feel like doing on a Monday morning after no sleep the night before.

But still, napping is a different animal all together, and I believe that’s what he was getting at. I don’t have a problem with naps. It’s the real night-time REM sleep that eludes me. As a matter of fact, I could nap all day if it were socially acceptable. I’m not certain why it isn’t. Somebody told me Japanese workers are allowed an afternoon siesta, and still they manage to build better cars than us. Maybe they build better cars because they nap. It’s worth some experimenting here in the US, and I’d volunteer for that focus group, although I don’t build cars. I could still pass along info that may be relevant to Detroit, however. That is if Detroit still exists by the time I wake up.

As children they used to let us take naps in school. This was always my favorite part of the day. I think the practice stopped in Kindergarten…..which coincidently was the last grade I remember at all fondly. Once the nuns came into the picture napping ceased because they were afraid the boys would be dreaming about sex.

A person who naps on a daily basis is called lazy by small minds. Nappers are scorned when they should be emulated. With naps we conserve energy that was most likely going to be spent doing something stupid anyway. Like work. And ironically, when we wake, we can do such stupid things with more gusto, which I’m sure is exactly what the Japanese think…albeit in more managerial and business friendly terms. The word “productivity” springs to mind. And “recession”.

Naps can be taken anywhere except where you sleep at night. Couches. Chairs. Floors. Hammocks. Pool Tables (under or on top of). Cars. At your desk. Napping in your own bed is too much like “sleeping” and it will make you feel vaguely guilty. They only valid reason to be in your own bed during non-regular hours is when you’re “sick” or when you’re making up with your significant other. If you don’t have a significant other then congratulations ’cause you can take naps with impunity.

And tell me, really. What is a better feeling than curling up on a couch that’s not long enough and pulling a blanket around you that’s not big enough….and blowing an hour or so? If you go a bit over, that’s fine. Naps should not be timed. The best ones are the kind you wake up from and you’re not quite sure what time of day it is. Morning? Evening? What day?

The even better ones are the kind you wake up from and decide haven’t gone on long enough, so you curl up even tighter and drift away yet again.

Ever notice how happy dogs are? Ever wonder why?

–Tom Flannery

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~ by admin on June 13, 2011.

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