Strike Three, It’s Outta Here (tf)

Be forewarned. I’m about to go old-school on y’all again.

I have 2 pairs of Levi jeans that have so many holes in them it looks like there were riddled with machine gun fire. They got this way by repeated wearings. And I mean that quite literally. Wearing them, sleeping in them, and then wearing them the next day. Back in the bad old days I used to sleep in some odd places. The kind of places that you might need to escape from quickly. So not only did I sleep in my jeans, but I never took my boots off either.

Today I still wear them….but mostly as “work” attire. When I cut grass or other such rare exertions. They have holes in the backside as well so I feel a little self-conscious out-and-about unless I wear colored underwear.

My point is that I wore my jeans down to the nub. I didn’t buy them that way. The first time I saw brand new jeans on store shelves with perfect little holes already in them, I did a double, and then a triple-take. There are moments when one becomes convinced that he or she is the only sane person left in the world. This was one of those moments.

I think this speaks for itself really. If a kid wants to buy jeans with a pre-existing condition, he should probably be beaten like a gong. If parents of said kid allow such a purchase, they should be chased out-of-town like rabid Aussie dingoes and only allowed to return when they can pass some sort of standardized test.

And so enough about all that. I do believe that each generation dresses worse than the one preceding it. My father wore a coat and tie to work every day. On weekends he wore slacks and short sleeve shirts. Never a t-shirt. Never a pair of sneakers. I can never remember seeing him in a pair of jeans. Always a jacket when going out socially.

I too am a father now. I wear ratty t-shirts and frayed cargo-pants and clunky work boots or old Chuck Taylor’s and if I need to “dress up” I’ll cover up this combination with a blazer. My kids are totally indoctrinated to my slovenlyness… when they see this they’ll say, “Dad, why are you so dressed up?” They’re afraid I’m going to make them wear a dress.

I own 2 suits that I bought at Boscov’s about 10 years ago. Like most people they’re reserved for weddings and funerals. One of them has rice in one pocket and a mass card in the other. The thought of putting on a suit for any other occasion seems like grand-standing.

I’m not sure why I don’t dress as thoughtfully as my father. But I feel a bit better when I see the average 18 year old boy. Compared to him, I’m prepared for the red-carpet. As a few more generations pass, people may be wearing gunny sacks to fancy restaurants. With pre-drilled holes.

But that’s Ok. Einstein was so busy being smart that sometimes he’d forget to put his pants on in the morning. I like to think that I’m part of this group. Just so busy making the world a better place that I don’t have time to lay out the proper clothes.

My mother just wonders why I never iron anything.

–Tom Flannery


~ by admin on June 11, 2011.

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