The Put and Take Snowstorm (tf)

I’m not exactly the outdoorsy type. I can get plenty of fresh air in my lungs by standing on my back porch waiting for my dog to pee.

I don’t have much to shovel….assuming I don’t put it off long enough until someone else does it, in which case of course I don’t have to shovel at all. My life revolves around a pretty small area. I don’t have to trek major distances to conduct my affairs. So truth be told I don’t mind snow in the spring at all. I detest spring first of all, mostly because it means that summer is coming, and there is nothing I detest more than summer. So when winter decides to hang on by her fingernails I say, “good on you winter….if you see spring anywhere kick her once for me.”

I like fall most of all. The exploding leaves are what true beauty looks like. But I’ll take a nice fresh coat of snow dangling off the tree branches too. It’s like a Rockwell painting, and there aren’t enough scenes that look like a Rockwell painting anymore. Summer never reminds me of a Rockwell painting. Summer reminds me of swimming at Nay Aug Park knowing half the kids are peeing in the pool.

I work 8 hours a day in an office with no windows, so most of the time I’m checking what the weather is like on the internet, which is either the very definition of the 21st Century or the main reason I became a writer.

Anyway, I’m thinking of all the places I need to “go” to survive….and how truly close-by they are.

Grocery store? About 1000 yards down the hill. Gas stations? Two within a half mile. Shopping? A mall about 5 miles away. Book store? Ditto. Movie theater? Ditto. Library? Down the hill, take a left. Hospital? Down the hill, go straight…although I’d only go there if I ran out of gas on my way to a better one….and was bleeding to death while in the midst of major cardiac arrest. But at least it’s a hospital. They cut a ring off my swollen finger one time and it only took them about 3 hours. One time a really drunk guy drove his car through my backyard and the cops were on the scene in minutes. A guy down the street managed to set his TV on fire one night and the firemen were there in force before more damage was done. Can’t beat that kind of service for the local taxes.

And that’s pretty much it, unless I wanted to go to a bar or to church, in which case I could find one every 6 paces or so. If I want to get stabbed I could go a few miles in one direction, and if I want to check out homes and neighborhoods that I could never afford to live in I could go a few miles in the other. It’s all very convenient you see.

So what bother is a little snow in the spring? Sweep it off your sidewalk so you don’t get sued, and then settle in with a good book and a nice view. Such coziness all ends soon. Too soon.

–Tom Flannery

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~ by admin on March 23, 2011.

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