Diet Not So Delightful (tf)

Best tip for losing weight? Heard it in a movie. “Raging Bull”. DeNiro as boxer Jake LaMotta was bemoaning making weight for an upcoming fight. Joe Pesci, playing his brother, says to him…”stop eating you fat f#&”.

And that’s pretty much that.

Some are born wide and just get wider. Some are born sticks and just get taller. But most of us are somewhere in the middle and our waistlines are determined by how much food and drink we jam down our gullet. Exercise helps of course, but in the weight shedding business, you can have the guy who spends 5 hours in the gym every day and comes home ravenous for carbs and I’ll take the guy who lies on his couch all day drinking water and eating rice cakes.

Of course not many people eat rice cakes. American dieters tend to go to McDonald’s and order a diet soda to go with their quarter pounder with cheese. And then maybe a small order of fries and a salad. So it’s not like we’re not trying.

Everybody wants to look like someone else. Girls are bombarded with waifs in bikinis who eat 3 square meals of ice cubes a day, and guys see nothing but six-pack abs and lots of hair gel. Normal people don’t look in the mirror and smile at themselves. Weight is just the most obvious thing to work on. We can change weight. And as great minds have said, “you can’t fix ugly”. So we aim below the belt. Or at the belt to be more precise.

But then again, one of the few things that makes American’s collectively happy is watching a former skinny Hollywoodian turn into something resembling a freshly beached whale. It makes us feel smug in our own ordinariness. We relish every blurred tabloid pic…..every fad diet they try in which they lose 30 pounds one months and then gain 60 over the next two. It’s ghastly. But we do love it so.

As we get older, we get fatter. Fact of life. Like hair turning grey. We can grab things on our bodies we were never able to grab before. Flesh is somehow generated no matter how many crunches we do or how little crunch berries we eat. All we can hope to do is slow down the process so it doesn’t overwhelm our clothing budget.

American’s are fatties because we eat more crap than anybody anywhere else in the world. Fifty years ago there was less crap to eat. So we ate less crap. Thus we were collectively smaller. Fifty years ago the US male was on average 25 pounds lighter than we are now. Women? Today gals are on average 29 pounds heavier than they were in 1960. Sorry girls (all this info courtesy of a government study. no wonder we’re broke).

Bottom line is that it’s more fun to eat than it is to starve.  And it’s more fun to eat french fries than it is to eat broccoli. And that drinking “diet soda” does not mean you’re on a diet.

Guys go on diets because they think carrying less bulk will make them more attractive to girls. Girls go on diets because they think being thinner will make them more attractive to guys. The truth is most of us are kinda stuck where we are and anybody who finds us attractive at all has most likely already been identified.

Time for beer. Light beer of course.

–Tom Flannery

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~ by admin on March 2, 2011.

One Response to “Diet Not So Delightful (tf)”

  1. Yup. Unfortunately, so right.

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