Diet Not So Delightful (ms)

I hate diets and diets hate me. There is a problem with them working in either case.

There are many advertisements out this time of year that promise you less of you in just a few months; coincidently just in time for summer and the bathing suit season. In the good old days I worried about that a lot.

See, when you are young you really get concerned about how you look in a bathing suit.

You want to be seen as Mister Buff or Captain Fit or, better still, Lean Man. Perish the thought you should come out to a pool party or the beach looking like anything less. Equally bad is coming out looking like far more. Like perhaps you spent the winter as a taste tester in a sausage factory followed by a part time gig as a beer taster. Bad for a young man’s image.

So, in my younger years I sought to become my ideal: Lean Man. He was the kind of guy who drew admiring glances from all around. Someone who had doors opened for him out of respect. A man who always got the best table at the hamburger joint, the first cup of coffee from a new pot, the best treatment from the waitress. Yes, Lean Man was my idol.

Work toward that goal began with the choice of that years diet. There was (and still is) at least one new diet every year that catches fire maybe because it seems to be the one that will work. It may also be the one which has the most advertising dollars behind it. No matter. I would pick it up and dutifully begin following it almost to the letter. Alas, while I strive for perfection I generally achieve but a small amount of progress and so nothing ever went exactly the way the authors intended it. But I was close. If the diet called for mashed potatoes at two meals and boiled for a third well some days I might do mashed every meal. See what I mean.

Each year the diet of that year would work just fine for the first few days. One can get awfully tired of the same old, same old though and so I would take a bit of this and some of that along with whatever the diet called for. I cheated. I promised though that I would do a make-good the next day and I did. Well, for half a day. Man does not live by mashed potatoes alone. Gradually the diet went downhill until it met Deadman’s Curve at the bottom and careened off into oblivion. Another diet down the drain, another notch on the belt, the belt I wore around my waste. It always seemed to need expanding.

Eventually I gave up on diets and resorted to getting into the habit of trying to eat fewer meals and eating better foods. I also began trying to do some exercise when I could. I never did develop that beach body and the sculpted look owned by Lean Man was never to be mine. Better for me actually for I found I don’t much care for mashed potatoes three times a day.

–Mike Stevens

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~ by admin on March 1, 2011.

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